How To Kill An Army Of One Mouse
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
by George Appiah
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Do you follow me on Twitter?
If you do, you’ll surely remember the great distress I went though last Sunday the 12th of July, when I was invaded by a large army of one mouse.
While my courage didn’t take me far in pursuing this enemy, I validated my smartness by devising some rather creative ways to outwit this enemy. Much credit also to the professionally certified mouse exterminator who came to lend a helping hand.
So in the spirit of sharing everything I’ve got, here is my fool-proof strategy to help you too kill the the most annoying mice in your life … whether it’s real rodents (like in my case) or some rodent-like homo sapiens sucking up energy from you.
1. Run. Shout. Immediately.
Didn’t you just see something moving around? If you’re thinking you saw something, then you probably did. Trust your guts. Take action NOW. Run. Shout for help.
But sadly, I didn’t trust my guts, and I didn’t take any action myself. I continued to watch my 1935 movie, A Night at the Opera, totally oblivious of the advancing army of one mouse.
Yet I was smart, you see, when my enemy struck. I quickly grabbed the most important possession in my life, my MacBook, and run out of the room. No, I ran out of the house. I bolted the iron gate and left the walled compound.
Just because of a mouse, you’re saying? My friend, you don’t know what you’re saying! Mind you, it was not just a mouse… it was a whole army of one mouse! And tell me, have you had the experience of being a coward before?
2. Call For Mouse A Exterminator
Yeah, that’s right. They don’t carry business cards, but they are there nonetheless. They are everywhere. There’s one probably sharing an apartment or room with you.
So call for help. Dial 666 from your cellphone. That’s the universally recognized contact number for Mouse Exterminators around the world. Works great no matter where you live… best when you don’t have cellphone coverage at all!
For my case, it turned out, I had a Certified Mouse Exterminator sharing apartment with me. Or maybe it’s the banality of heroism at work here (hint: there was a lady around too).
Who knows? And who cares? I got my army of one mouse defeated.
3. Don’t Live In A Bad Neighborhood
That is, if you can help it. This is really a preventive measure though.
You see, Ghana, and Accra in particular, is such a great place to live — for the lawless, that is. And I live in an area of Accra called Tesano. East Tesano, to be more precise. It’s supposed to be a residential area. That, in Ghana, simply means two things: a) rich people live here, and b) robbers pay frequent visits.
How a poor boy like me ended up in a rich folks’ neighborhood is another story I hope to tell someday. Suffice it to say now that I was visited by thieves everyday for the first week that I was here. After all, a new rich guy had moved into the neighborhood.
Isn’t it ironic that “poor neighborhoods” in Accra are safer than “rich neighborhoods”? But I digress. On to the mouse story now.
Next to our house (and I mean next, as in … just a wall separating us) is a large undeveloped piece of land. Half of this land is farmed all year round, and the other half is full of weeds. So we have all kinds of unwelcome guests jumping over to our end: rodents, ants of all colors and sizes, armies of caterpillars, etc.
The only guests we’ve not received in our home are those from the reptile family.
Now for the records, I have nothing against urban gardening. But when it has to be at such a great nuisance to others? And imagine all the smoke that engulfs the entire neighborhood when this heartless urban farmer “slashes and burns” to plant new crops!
So that’s it. If you follow these three simple, ground-breaking strategies, I’ve no doubt in my mind that you can deal with any mice in your life, whether rodents or human mice.
