This morning, while unpacking some documents to scan, I found a little piece of paper with these words below, written in my own hndwriting. I don’t know exactly when and why I wrote this piece, and I don’t even remember the subject here.

Yet this little piece of paper drew down buckets of tears — salty tears of sweet descent — as I read line after line. I wasn’t crying because of the content of the poem though: I was crying for the part of me that I’ve has slipped by. I was crying for my childhood writings I lost — literally hundreds of poems and short stories. I was crying for never daring to take my pen and paper to write once again, after all these years since I lost my writings.

And I was crying for all the days gone by, and for all the dreams left behind.

Update: From some other scribbles on this piece of paper, I’m almost certain of the context of this writing now. I wrote this piece, back then during college days, to my sister. But the subject is someone else. You see, there was this cute little girl, who was my sister’s roommate, who….

I wonder where she is now and what she’s doing. The memories are all coming back to me now. The tears are falling, once again, except faster this time. The battle continues. But who can see me? Who can rescue me?

Ullie Anna was not just a lonely little kid’s imaginations. Growing up, Ullie Anna was the only real friend I ever had.

Ullie Anna was the only one I ever wanted to be with… in my thoughts, that is. But that was where you’d always find me anyway.

Now I don’t quite remember the exact timing or even the circumstances of our individual paths crossing. But I can never forget what a pivotal role this imaginary character came to play in my my life, even to this very day.

Over the years, many more sweet and prim, flesh and blood Ullie Annas have come into this little life of mine– and gone. “He’s just too consumed in himself”, they must have thought. And now I can only sit back and count my loss. If only I didn’t have to care about this thing called life which I’m supposed to live, I wouldn’t care… like I never have over the years.

These are love notes to all the Ullie Annas who have crossed my path over the years. Some are lifted directly from notes and poems I’ve kept for so many years. Some are reflections on what life could have been. And yet others are dreaming… mere dreaming, that someday, somehow, I might find one more pretty and prim Ullie Anna in my life.